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Going to start changing the things that I hate about myself.

I was browsing through my iTunes library this afternoon and came across a song that meant the world to me a year ago. He’d sing it to me. Not because he wanted to but because he knew it’d make me happy. He always made me happy.
I listened to that song three times in a row and let all of my emotions sink in for a while before I realized how sappy and pathetic I was acting.
I didn’t exactly know whether to be happy or sad. I just sat there. Empty.
I listened to that song four more times that night.

Today I realized how sad it is to go through a breakup. It wasn’t my own relationship, but I noticed it within a friend of mine’s relationship .. or previous relationship to be exact.
I was watching the way the two of them interacted and, to be honest, it made me really sad.
It was so goddamn awkward to watch so I can just imagine how awkward it was for the two of them. Actually- scratch that- I know that exact feeling and it’s quite possibly one of the worst feelings I’ve felt.
How could two people who built a relationship and shared everything together get to the point where they can’t even look at each other without feeling uneasy? You can’t even look into that person’s eyes and have a decent conversation without wanting to cry or feeling the need to hold him or her? It’s so sad that there was once so much love, so much passion and years of friendship and then there’s nothing. No phone calls, no admiration, barely any appreciation for that other person that was once your world.
Relationships are so sad to me. I hate that something like love could turn into nothing. I want to believe there is that perfect relationship but how can you when you know there’s that possibility of falling out of love and fucking up?
I was once such a hopeless romantic. I guess reality got the best of me.

I have no idea why I have been so goddamn tired lately.

Usually I take the opportunity to go out whenever my friends ask me out. Now, all I want to do is sleep.

I don’t know if it’s my work schedule. But honestly, I don’t think I’ve worked half as much as I did last months or for the past few months.

I’m becoming a grandma and I’m only 21. UGH.